So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
