do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
