I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just started talking about how noodles were so good