I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal