i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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