Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Shut the hell up.

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  (970): Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude (1-970): You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ? (970): Shut the hell up. http://tfl.nu/g01x
  Replies (38) Good night (732) Bad night (1836)
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  (530): View more from California

  So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant

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  (530): So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant http://tfl.nu/6mtv
  Replies (17) Good night (3153) Bad night (635)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope

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  (214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited (1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope http://tfl.nu/jd28
  Replies (93) Good night (1321) Bad night (7301)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  hahaha! you have a girlfriend

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...

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  (520): hahaha! you have a girlfriend (1-520): tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today... http://tfl.nu/4wx1
  Replies (20) Good night (4295) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.

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  (647): im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old. http://tfl.nu/1v3o
  Replies (20) Good night (586) Bad night (2845) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.

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  (404): It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more. http://tfl.nu/2mzd
  Replies (17) Good night (1260) Bad night (7665) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Clearly I went along with it

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  (732): she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her (732): Clearly I went along with it http://tfl.nu/y5y5
  Replies (5) Good night (4550) Bad night (854)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?

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  (847): Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night? http://tfl.nu/owky
  Replies (3) Good night (3678) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him

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  (631): he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him http://tfl.nu/2wji
  Replies (15) Good night (1991) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

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  (785): You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark. http://tfl.nu/p2c2
  Replies (18) Good night (1275) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.

  (916): View more from California

  That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.

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  (530): My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo. (916): That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone. http://tfl.nu/d9c7
  Replies (1) Good night (1931) Bad night (412)
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  (714): View more from California

  You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.

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  (714): You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me. http://tfl.nu/l602
  Replies (0) Good night (702) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.

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  (509): Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option. http://tfl.nu/ikne
  Replies (3) Good night (302) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.

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  (607): It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work. http://tfl.nu/ndnm
  Replies (5) Good night (491) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up

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  (785): i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up http://tfl.nu/9i7j
  Replies (5) Good night (520) Bad night (67) Order T-Shirt

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