Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
