i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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