His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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