I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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