I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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