your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
