I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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