i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He better not be in your backpack
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
