U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize