Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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