i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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