I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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