my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize