You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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