I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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