do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So squirting runs in the family.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
