Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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