If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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