just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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