What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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