he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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