Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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