i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
