Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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