he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
