Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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