bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
