I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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