I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
