actually, I'm a sock model
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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