i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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