I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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