the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
