im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
