Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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