I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
