Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I faked an abortion last night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
