we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
