I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
