My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
someone owes me an orgasm
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
