i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think a kid would responsible me up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
