Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
