ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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