Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
