her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
