I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
