They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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