I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
