Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
did i just pee glitter
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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