Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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