you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
