you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
