well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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