i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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