The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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