do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
