just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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