You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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