I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
