I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So apparently I’m into choking now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
