This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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