He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
