I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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