what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
