Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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